Gay Trees and Gadianton Robbers

This is my first election cycle in this ward, and since I have been on bed rest since most of the primaries started, I haven’t interacted much with my ward. My husband has been a Republican since birth, but even he can’t see the Ryan/Romney ticket as a good idea. He really missed Reagan. A lot.

Given that I haven’t been at church, and I have never actually talked to her before, it was kind of weird to have a ward member call me and ask me which of several days I wanted to come make calls at their home. I was confused and asked her what activity she needed to have calls made for. She then went into a long speech about God, church, country, the terror of Socialists and how wonderful it was to help Sister Romney. I finally stopped her and asked what exactly she had called about.

Well it turns out she is the chair of a Republican subcommittee of something or other, and she was calling all the Republican women on “her list.”. (I knew as soon as she said it that she was talking about the ward list, but since we aren’t supposed to use the ward list for business or political reasons I decided to play dumb.) I asked her which committee list I was on, and she said she wasn’t sure, that she had just been appointed and given a list of women in our area. I asked if she was sure, since we had recently moved here (15 months ago) and I hadn’t voting in anything other than the primaries. (We vote by mail in Oregon.)

She then made some paper noises on the other end of the phone while she said she would check. She asked me what committee I had been on previously. I told her I had been PTA secretary, scout and cub committee chair and advancement chairmen. (She now seemed very confused.) She pulled herself together and told me that we could figure out what paperwork I needed when I came over, and then rattled off the names of several Oregon lawmakers who would be joining them on a few of the night’s if I wanted to pick one of those times. (At this point, I just wanted off the phone.)

I told her that I was pretty sure there was a mistake and that she must have the wrong list. She then read my address off to me and said she was pretty sure she had the right person. I then told her that I have never been registered as a member of a party, so I was positive the Republican party did not have my contact information. (Now she was mad, and probably feeling trapped.) she asked me is I was one of the gay tree huggers. (I am pretty sure she didn’t know how badly worded the question was.) I told her that like liked my husband and my trees. I giggled, she harrumphed and told me that if I was going to be that insulting I did not deserve to meet (Oregon Republican lawmaker) and then hung up on me.

I have to admit, I am kind of hoping that she remembers who I am when (Oregon republican lawmaker) tells her Hi from me next Thursday. She is right, I don’t deserve to meet him at her house, we both have much more fun playing Scrabble when we get the chance. (Although to be fair, his wife and I often play Scrabble without him.) 😉

Eric’s response:

Wow. This conversation is hilarious to read, though probably less so when it happened. Are you a gay tree hugger? I have no idea which of my trees is gay. . . .

My response to his comment:

Actually she called at the “magic time” when the pain pills were actually starting to work, and I wasn’t totally loopy. The fact that I thought I might know who she was, but we hadn’t even had a conversation, and I could tell she had no idea who I was, made it easier to be patient at the beginning. I also REALLY hate it when someone uses church lists for political purposes. I wish this had been a first time, or first ward. (Don’t get me started on the bishop who received a “revelation” about who the Lord wanted the entire ward to vote for, in a city council race. Really? No clue to the prophet for president, but yes to a city councilman? THAT is the race it is worth breaking the church’s stand of, issues. not individual politicians? Sheesh. Okay, deep breath, calming down.)

I hadn’t thought about the fact that I might have gay trees in my yard. (We have a lot of trees on our acreage, so as a percentage of the population, there have to be some. Since they haven’t been advocating for gay tree marriage, do I just love the tree since I can’t find a sin to hate? Wow, the theological possibilities are staggering. Now I just have to find the “tell” so I know which ones to make sure are dressed appropriately. Hmmmmmm………)

I have found that NOT belonging to any party makes me hard to quantify in wards were there are usually only Nephites (Republicans) and Lamanites (Democrats). It is really difficult for people when I say I am generally more conservative on social issues, and very liberal on economic issues. When I try to tell people that I am about the opposite of a Libertarian, they usually look at my like I am a slow witted child, and helpfully tell me that there is no such thing. I try not to get cranky as I explain that we don’t have a party with that mix of ideals, but that is not the same as saying someone can’t believe in them. Unless some time in their lives a PoliSci class or two were part of their education, they don’t really understand, but decide I am not like them and should be avoided when having future Nephite-Lamanites wars (sorry, political debates) in the church hallway.

Since I partially agree with parts of both “sides,” I am particularly dangerous (confusing) which makes their poor children (interesting and interested teenagers, who don’t necessarily *want* to join a political party they don’t understand) who could so easily be led astray (taught to think for themselves) so that they might have the curse of the Lamanites (Democratic Party Voting Cards) or even worse they might become something truly damaging like a Gadianton Robber (Green Party Member).

Okay, I am done riffing now. Giggle

This is a post on my blog, poetrysansonions